Bah Humbug

Oh wow, I’m struggling this year to feel the joy of Christmas. I need to get out of my funk and find the good in each day and forgive myself for the things I can’t control.

I am not prepared in the slightest and don’t see it getting any better this overscheduled week before the big day. Christmas cards? Nope. Neighbor gifts? Nope. Gifts (or even ideas) for my loved ones? Nope. Decorations? Nope. A finished house? Nope.

The one thing we have had is snow and admittedly a few moments of feeling the spirit of Christmas through music. Last week we had Caleb’s choir concert and Caitlin’s orchestra concert on the same night. Clint and I split up and each attended a concert. I went to Caleb’s concert and I love watching his Acapella group perform. I didn’t take the camera, but each of their songs was awesome. I got this recording of Caleb’s least favorite song off Facebook. I thought it was  so cute. Caleb was in the flour and eggs group. If you look closely, you can see him on the back row.

https://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?v=4339332715368

On Friday night, after a devastating day of bad news about the school shooting in Connecticut, our family found peace and the true meaning of Christmas at the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas concert. It was amazing and so touching. I am so happy we were able to go.

Tonight we went to a benefit concert for our support group, HopeKids at Caleb’s High School. Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband performed and it was just awesome. I’m proud of student government for choosing such a worthy cause for their Hearts of Gold campaign this year and that Caleb influenced the decision. I hope their efforts to raise money is a huge success, I know they have been working hard all month long towards this goal.

Tomorrow night we are going to Caitlin’s choir concert. She’s excited to perform the songs they’ve been practicing and I’m looking forward to going.

The Worst Week

We are in the worst week of our renovation. I had major anxiety weeks ago just thinking about what our life would be like during this phase. Guess what? It’s worse than I ever could have imagined. Much worse. But… things are getting done. An end is in sight.

So, here’s the update-

• We have one working bathroom. It looks like this-

  

• We have no doors upstairs (which equals no privacy, anywhere!)
• Our washer and dryer are in the garage. Luckily our neighbors are nice enough to let us catch up on a few loads at their house
• Our clothes are hanging in our neighbors closets (again, nice neighbors. I bet they wish we would have moved!)
• Everything is covered in thick construction dust, including us
• Our painters come at 8:30 A.M. and leave at 5 P.M., I listen to them banging around all day
• We all keep stepping on carpet tacks
• We’re losing brain cells due to paint fumes
• Daisy has paint on her paws

Okay, I’m done complaining. This week is almost over, I can’t wait!

Thankful Catch Up

20. I’m thankful for the opportunity to spend the holidays with my family. I love to catch up, eat my mom’s awesome cooking, and having a change of scenery

21. I’m thankful for nature. We enjoyed a beautiful hike in Zion National Park over the weekend

22. I’m thankful for my nieces and nephew. They are a glimpse of how much fun being a grandma will be. I love, adore, and enjoy them, then they leave with their respective parents.

23. I’m grateful for modern conveniences. I’m missing my washer, dryer, access to my kitchen, etc…

24. I’m thankful the weather is cooperating with our home renovation.

25. I’m thankful for all the kind things that have been done on behalf of Kim’s family. I hope they feel the love and support of those who care about them, and their burdens will be lightened.

26. I’m thankful for the opportunity to grow and improve

27. I’m grateful for modern technology

28. I’m very thankful for the kindness of others. As we currently don’t have access to our kitchen, we’ve been eating way too much fast food. Tonight we went to Chick-Fil-A and when we got to the drive-thru window the girl handed us our food and let us know the car in front of us had paid for our meal. It’s been a really crappy day, so this act of kindness went a long, long way.

A Sneak Peak into Our Home

I haven’t wanted to share any photos or commentary of our renovation. I guess I’ve been hoping that once it’s all done, I would  be able to come up with a positive spin and make it sound like it was no big deal, maybe even fun. Ha!

Tonight I feel like being honest. In varying stages of horribleness, this is how we’ve lived for over three months; and I haven’t even included photos of our crew who invade our space on a daily basis. Do you have any idea what it’s like to work from home with power tools being used over, under, and around you? Not to mention strangers using your bathroom?

We started with a set plan, budget, and timeline. We’ve changed them all many times. Tomorrow the carpet is being installed downstairs and the lovely mess of boxes will move there while the upstairs is completed. Then we get to unpack and enjoy our “new” home. We’re getting closer…. Please don’t call Hoarders on us!

It’s okay, Daisy. Life will get back to normal soon…

This is Caitlin’s new room. I love it, even in its unfinished state. Buh bye beige!

Being Thankful Cont.

16. I am so grateful for my neighbors! Today we had a huge load of rocks delivered to finish off our landscaping and we had a ton of help. It was a lot of hard and heavy work, and they stayed with us to the end

17. I’m grateful for Café Rio

18. I am thankful for good health. The older I get, the more I appreciate a healthy, functioning body of my own and the health of my family members

19. I’m grateful for my bed. I fall into it far later than I intend to each night and I’m thankful for the comfort and warmth it brings

Being Thankful

10. I am thankful for our Daisy dog. She is by far the best Christmas gift we have ever received and has brought so much love and joy to our family.

11. I am grateful for prayer

12. I am grateful for people who take pride in their work and do their best regardless of the job they are doing

13. I am grateful for beautiful things.

14. I am grateful for hope, optimism, faith, and kindness

15. I am grateful for music

Continuing on with Gratitude

4. I’m grateful for my parents. I appreciate their love, support and examples. I love sharing my life and family with them. I find the older I get, the more I need them and their influence in my life.

5. I’m grateful for my siblings. Each one is unique and adds something special to our family. I appreciate their strengths and weaknesses and know my life wouldn’t be complete without them.

6. I’m thankful for my friends. I have many different groups of friends and they all mean so much to me. Like my siblings, they all bring different qualities and experiences into my life and make me a better person for knowing each one of them.

7. I’m grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. Knowing of my Saviors love and plan has helped me endure my trials and has given me hope. This week I am especially grateful for the knowledge that families are forever.

8. I’m thankful to live in this great country, for the opportunity to vote, and for the freedoms we enjoy. I pray for America and for those who have been elected as leaders, that they may be mindful of the truths and principles this country was founded on, and work towards improving those things which are broken.

9. I’m grateful for the jobs Clint and I have been blessed with. While I don’t always enjoy what I do or the many hours I work, I find satisfaction in being productive, helping others, and contributing to our household income.

Kim

It’s been a difficult couple of months and my heart can’t take much more. My dear sweet friend Kim passed away this morning after suffering a stroke. She was a fellow cancer mom who I have spent hours with in good times and bad. I will always remember Kim as a pure, sweet, gentle soul who blessed those around her. I love you, Kim. I miss you already.

Gratitude Month

It’s already November 3rd! Ack! I’m going to attempt to write something I’m grateful for each day of November.

1. I am grateful for Clint. We’ve been working together on a huge project for the past 2+ months and he’s had to put up with more of my meltdowns than I care to admit. I’m so thankful that he always puts his family first, works hard to provide for us, is patient and kind and is a worthy Priesthood holder. He’s pretty awesome
2. I’m thankful for Caleb- for the good influence he is in our home, for his humor, his intelligence and confidence, and for the good decisions he’s made and continues to make
3. I’m grateful for Caitlin- for her life, her health, her ability to overcome trials, her compassion, and her humor. I love the wonderful young woman she is

Proud Mommy Moment

Caleb was chosen as the Sterling Scholar in science at his high school! Way to go kid!

Birthday Post #2

My Caitlin is a funny little thing. For her 14th birthday she wanted to go to the zoo, Finding Nemo in 3D, and for  gifts she wanted Goldfish crackers and footy p.j’s- we made all her wishes come true.

We haven’t been to the zoo in ages and I have to admit, it was so much fun. The weather was perfect, the colors on the mountains were gorgeous, and the zoo is now so much better than it used to be, especially with the addition of the polar bear. Except for being wacked in the head at the bird show by a vulture (eeekkkkk!), it was the perfect day.

Birthday Post #1

So here's my shout out to Chili's for going the extra mile. This afternoon Clint took balloons to the Riverton Chili’s and made a reservation for our little group. He mentioned to the manager why we would be having Caitlin's birthday dinner there and thanked him for making sure the balloons would be on our table. Well, apparently management thought long and hard about how to make this a special night. We got a personal welcome, extra special service, an entire personalized birthday cake, a large number of the staff singing happy birthday, and they gave Caitlin a gift! I thought the generous act of donating all their proceeds to childhood cancer research was gift enough. Thanks Riverton Chili’s. You rock!

His Last Homecoming

I am so, so behind on this poor, forgotten little blog, but somehow I’m going to get caught up… eventually.

Last week was Homecoming, Caleb’s last one. It was a busy week for him and he loved every minute of it. I’m happy to see him enjoying his role in student government and being so involved with all aspects of school.

Finding a date to Homecoming proved to be a bit of a challenge. He asked one girl (with her mother’s help), only for both of them to find out she had already been asked. Bummer! He did ask a second cute girl who was more than happy to accept his offer. They went with a group of 12 (many from our neighborhood) to Color Me Mine for the day date, and then later to dinner, the dance, and dessert and a movie. Great group of kids.

Sweet Heartache

Our little friend Emily is dying. After almost 15 years of fighting cancer, her disease is progressing and all options for treatment have been exhausted. Tonight  I visited her family with my friends, Shari and Lynette. We were on a mission to deliver beautiful blankets to each of their children from our cancer mom group and to hug them in person. I don’t think I will ever forget the tangible peace and sweetness that we experienced in their home.

Emily and her parents have touched my life. I am so grateful for their wonderful examples of unconditional love, sacrifice, service, and love. It is a blessing for us that our paths crossed on this cancer journey. I know Emily will soon be out of pain and I pray for continued comfort and peace for her family.

Just a Few Things

I’m losing track of this summer, it’s going by so quickly.

Here are a few of the things we’ve been up to:

• Clint and I celebrated our 21st anniversary
• The kids have both been working a lot. Caleb works at a local ice cream store and Caitlin is babysitting up a storm
• We’ve seen some good movies- Brave and Spider Man
• We went out to lunch on the 4th of July and noticed a big group of missionaries from our church at a nearby table. Caitlin wanted to pay for their lunches (we’ve done that before, but usually it’s just two of them, not 10). We settled for surprising them with dessert. Caitlin could hardly contain her excitement when it was delivered to them.
• Clint and I had the awesome opportunity of helping clean the temple.
• We celebrated Clint’s birthday
• We heard from Caitlin’s doctor and after carefully reviewing her scans from the last five or so years, the team was unable to determine if there has been tumor growth, so we’ll go back in six months for another MRI. It’s kind of a struggle to keep “worst-case-scenario-girl” out of my head, but I keep trying to remember we have no control over this. It is what it is and until we get a definite answer, we just have to live our lives. What I am so grateful for is our amazing medical team. They have been wonderful and are like extended family to us. The better news is they feel she won’t have to see a specialist for her growth issues at this time. They do want us to increase her calorie count and we’ve reduced her medication which is an appetite suppressant. Hopefully we’ll see some results with these changes.
• We are still waiting for answers regarding a few other things… patience and faith, patience and faith….

Catching Up

My kiddos are home this week. Both have really had a great summer so far at their perspective camps/conferences.

Caitlin loved Oakcrest. She had a great counselor named Cooper and loved the activities. They had some wonderful spiritual experiences and tons of fun. I let Caitlin take my camera and she came home with a whole memory card full of funny self portraits. I think next year we’ll offer some photo taking advice before she goes. The other funny thing is we obviously sent her with too much money to buy treats. Her bags were stuffed with empty candy wrappers and a plastic fork. After throwing away all the garbage, she informed me that the plastic fork was from an object lesson. Sigh.

Caleb spent last week at USU and had such a fun time. He’s got a great group of friends in student government and from what I understand, they know how to have fun and stay up really late. I love these photos of him on the obstacle course.

Last week was my birthday and we went to dinner at PF Chang. My lovely family gave me a one year spa membership. I am so excited to have something just for me to look forward to each month.

Friday was Caitlin’s yearly MRI that was overdue by about six months. She was prescribed Ativan to help her through it and it did help take the fight out of her, but not the fear. She was upset at the hospital, but having a great tech made all the difference. She allowed me to go in the scanning room and hold Caitlin’s hand the whole time. Before we entered the room, Caitlin told the tech that she liked to be talked to during the scan and it kind of broke my heart. I don’t know that she will ever get over the time a dumb tech didn’t say a word to her and she thought she had been forgotten. No MRI has gone smoothly since then.

Today we went to clinic for a full check-up and the MRI results. It didn’t really go as planned and we left without a clear answer regarding the scans. The Neuro Team will be taking a look at her scans going back five years to compare and re-measure to get the final word. We hope to know more tomorrow. Her doctors are also concerned that she has completely fallen off the growth chart for height and weight. Average weight for a girl her age is 107 pounds. Her target weight is 97.3 and she is currently at 78.48. I’m not really sure how to feel about it right now. I’m not in a panic, or fearful, or upset. More than anything I’m just disappointed that this disease causes so many late effects and trouble. Caitlin has come through so much better than many kids we have known over the years, but she’s still affected in ways we are discovering 10 1/2 years after diagnosis. 

On a much better note, today Caleb shared the nicest string of emails from a young man in England who he met at the World Jamboree last year. The meat of it is that the boy mentioned he still had the Book of Mormon Caleb gave him, and Caleb encouraged him to attend church services at the local LDS church. While he didn’t go to church, he dropped in on the Young Men’s weekly activity and said it was fun and they “served great biscuits.”

There’s plenty of other crazy stuff going on in our lives that we lovingly refer to as our balls of fire, but until we get answers, I’m not mentioning them here. Don’t want to jinx anything. Fingers crossed…

Part-Time Parenting

So both kids went to youth conference last Friday. They had such a good time. Caitlin wasn’t sure she wanted to go at first, but she changed her mind within a few hours and was so glad she did. It was a good opportunity for the youth and Bishopric to get to know each other better after our semi-recent ward split/mergers, and enjoy a few days of fun activities. Both of my kids came home sunburned and with an outrageous amount of laundry, but they really enjoyed themselves.

Stories and comments were going around church yesterday about youth conference and this is what I heard about Caleb- that he is a shameless flirt. From Beehives to the college girls helping with the rope course, they were all subjected to Caleb’s…err… charm. LOL.

While the kids were gone, Clint and I went to dinner and a movie with friends on Friday night. On Saturday we both worked but grabbed a late lunch before the kids got home. It was rather nice to have a little free time. I have to admit I haven’t quite accepted the lack of routine that comes with summer vacation. I’m kind of sick of kids laying around and having to be told to do EVERYTHING. Sigh.

After throwing a world class fit this morning due to letting her anxiety get the best of her, I dropped Caitlin off across the valley and she and her friends left for Oakcrest for the week. She’s been looking forward to this camp for a year and I’m so happy it’s finally here. I hope she’s warm enough, gets along well with her cabin mates, and brushes her hair and teeth now and again.

Next Monday, we will be sending Caleb off to leadership camp at USU. He can’t wait and is excited to get to know his fellow class officers better and also see friends he knows from other schools who are in student government. He has become close friends with the other senior officers through the activities they’ve participated in so far- graduation, Senior Sunrise, and Special Olympics. Speaking of, Caleb loved the Special Olympics. They made the mistake of giving him a radio to use and he called in a few air strikes, but really he liked the whole spirit of these games.

It’s too bad Clint and I are so busy with work that we can’t enjoy this time of no kids/one kid, but it’s nice to have them busy and having fun. We really are blessed to have so many opportunities.

A Quick Little Post

Life feels weird right now. I feel really out of sorts. Between worrying about family members and friends with hard, hard trials, to wondering if Clint and I have our priorities in order…. pretty sure there’s a mid-life crisis coming on. Watch out people.

Over Memorial Day my parents and sister came to visit. It was nice to have them here for a few days and it was really nice to see many extended family members when we went to my aunt and uncles missionary farewell. They are currently finishing up their time in the MTC and will then be on their way to Turkey. We will miss them.

Last week was high school graduation for many of our neighbor friends, cancer friends, and some of Caleb’s good school friends. I was so emotional with the posts their parents were making on FB and hearing about graduation from Caleb. He and the other senior class officers were in charge of the flag ceremony. I can’t believe we only have another year left. Sigh! I really think it will be a great year though.

This week Caleb is helping out with the Special Olympics, and then both kids will be going to youth conference at Snow College over the weekend. After that we will pretty much be switching off kids as one goes to camp and comes home and then the next one goes. Right now my room is exploding with clothing, care packages, and plenty of other odds and ends in an attempt to get them ready. Pure craziness.

This summer we haven’t planned a vacation because we are in a huge rush to accomplish a big goal. Let’s just say it involves Clint and I both working around the clock. We’re tired. Hopefully we’ll find some opportunities to do fun things close to home as a trade off this year.

Grateful

I’m sitting here waiting for my turn in the shower hoping there will be some hot water left. I have dirt in my hair, under my nails, and between my toes. It’s a good kind of dirty though. The kind that is the result of hard work and service.

For some reason we have yet to identify it doesn’t seem to be the right time for us to move. It’s disappointing and at the same time okay. We are lucky to have this comfortable home and wonderful neighbors. Tonight the families up and down our street helped move and spread fresh dirt around our neighbors yard. It felt good to work together doing  something meaningful and helpful while enjoying each others company. Even if I don’t have the house I want, we definitely have the type of community I’ve always wanted to raise my kids in.

Yay for a Break!

Late last summer I bought Brian Regan tickets and have been waiting and waiting for the date of the show to roll around. Sometimes I feel hard pressed to find things to do that we will all enjoy and I knew this would be well received by both kids.

Finally on Saturday night my parents, sister, and our little family drove to St. George to see Brian Regan perform at Tuachan. It was so much fun, but the show was over too quickly. Having the opportunity to spend an evening laughing was much needed. My life is far too serious (and dull) these days.

Thanks for having us for the weekend, mom and dad. We love you!

You May Call Him Supreme Overlord

Today was Star Wars Day- May the 4th be with you! It also happened to be election day at the High School for class officers. It turns out Caleb ran for office with a Star Wars themed campaign… and he won! Now that he’s “in” he will be interviewed and then positions will be announced before the end of the school year.

Caleb’s friend Megan is responsible for the awesome artwork on the posters.

The t-shirts were a huge hit. Caleb had people offering to buy them. LOL

I Love this Quote

Thoughts

I admit it, I’m discouraged. For the first time in a long time I have no idea what the next step is. I thought I did, we planned for what we thought it should be, and for some reason expected or at least hoped it would be easy and effortless. Problem is, nothing is quite working out as I thought it would. I have about as much faith right now just to hang on and to keep exploring our options. I guess what I really want is Dorothy’s yellow brick road. A nice little laid out path that I simply have to follow. Instead we are caught in a maze and seem to be hitting every dead end.

So what do you do when you find yourself discouraged and a little on the hopeless side?

Prom

Caleb and friends got their prom on this weekend. Here are a few details, thoughts, and plenty of photos.

Caleb asked Amberlee. She isn’t quite 16 (her birthday is 3 weeks after prom), so we told Caleb he would have to ask her parents first. He did. They said yes.

 

It took two attempts to find Caleb a tux. We went to one place and were totally unimpressed with the customer service and cost of the rental. Soon after, we learned of a different place to go and had a much better experience.

 

The date of prom was decided on by the outgoing seniors last year. It was discovered this year that it would interfere with the Saturday evening Priesthood session of LDS General Conference. The kids were concerned about that and took matters into their own hands. By letting the Administration know of the conflict and then getting their Stake Presidents to call in, prom was moved to Friday night and they were able to keep the Capitol Building as their venue.

The boys picked up their dates and had photos at the girls homes, then back to the boys homes for photos, then to their friend Logan’s house for group photos and to be picked up by the limo. They ate at a downtown Japanese restaurant, went to the prom, then back to Logan’s for dessert and a movie.

It was fun to see the individuality all the kids showed in their prom attire. Caleb went really classic, but chose some fun retro shoes. Love them!

Great group of friends, fun time, good memories.