This is our family motto for 2010.
We are each coming up with individual goals with this statement in mind.
As a family our goals for 2010 are-
1. Become completely debt-free
2. Increase our grocery-type food storage to a three-six month supply and long term food storage to a one year supply (as it is, we could possibly survive for a couple of weeks if our diets consisted mostly of canned fruit and oatmeal- yummy!).
3. Save enough money for vacations to Washington DC with Grandpa and Grandma Ross in August and Camp Sunshine in October.
4. Have Family Home Evening each Monday night.
2009 was a good year for our family, with many blessings and accomplishments. We are hoping 2010 will be a year full of growth, peace, and happiness for all.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Christmas 2009
Every Christmas wish came true...
Cousins played together...
Daisy found a comfy place to nap and hide...
Clint fixed one computer after another...
Dinner was yummy (although this little one would rather eat a banana)...
Grandpa got a rockin' new hat (that freaked out the cat)...
We had a big, loud, houseful of family...
Family pictures were taken outside in smile-freezing-17-degree-weather (think we'll try again in the Spring)...
I received three mentionable gifts, a new laptop (that I haven't figured out how to use yet), a cookbook compiled by my dad of my Grandma Roesner's recipes (including some of my dad's memories and pictures of my Grandma), and a written history of childhood Christmas memories from my Grandma Edwards...
And, Clint and I had our second totally debt-free Christmas (thanks, Dave Ramsey)...
All in all, a very Merry Christmas!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Eight
On this day eight years ago, Caitlin was diagnosed with a brain tumor- it was the worst day of our lives. I remember wishing for a crystal ball that would allow me to see our families future. I wanted to know that Caitlin would survive and that someday we would have a normal life again, normal in the way Clint and I had planned it to be. I wanted control, I wanted answers, and I wanted someone to tell me how to do this.
There are still some things I wish I could fix, that I fight for control over, and questions that I want answered. But for the most part, I feel that the unknown in this trial was and is a blessing. The unknown gives us the opportunity to learn lessons, rely on our Heavenly Father and others, make memories, and not take the little things in life for granted. The unknown also allows us to grow, find our inner strength, develop patience, feel true happiness and sorrow, and become more than we could have become under normal circumstances.
Eight years later, this is what I feel I have experienced and learned:
*Caitlin has bravely faced diagnosis, surgeries, a relapse, treatment, therapy, countless MRI's, and a variety of other procedures
*Caitlin is a survivor- her redheaded spunk and stubbornness saved her life
*Clint and I have had to make decisions we felt we were not qualified to make
*Our family can speak and understand cancer terminology and Oligodendroglioma practically rolls off our tongues now
*Clint and I have learned to flush ports and administer chemo
*We have learned to accept acts of service (well, kind of)
*We have learned that working with insurance companies is not fun or easy and that cancer is expensive
*We have an increased gratitude for Forever Families and the healing powers of the Priesthood
*We have had several opportunities to share our story and hopefully have increased awareness of childhood cancer
* We have learned that most situations allow you one of two options- laugh or cry
*We have looked for and have been given opportunities to *pay it forward* through service projects benefiting PCMC's oncology department
*We have made the best friends we could ever hope to have
*Caitlin has had a Make a Wish
* We have celebrated and grieved with friends fighting cancer
*Our family has traveled to Camp Sunshine in Maine for the past seven years, appreciating the new friends and support offered there
*We have lost young friends to this disease along the way
*We have felt the love and support of our community through several special organizations
*We have learned that time is the best healer, and to keep some memories close to our hearts and let others go
*We have come to appreciate, love, and respect Caitlin's medical team
*Children are strong, resilient, and brave
*Prayer works and miracles do exist
*Normal is overrated
*We never could have survived this journey without our Heavenly Father, our family, our friends, and Caitlin's doctors
There are still some things I wish I could fix, that I fight for control over, and questions that I want answered. But for the most part, I feel that the unknown in this trial was and is a blessing. The unknown gives us the opportunity to learn lessons, rely on our Heavenly Father and others, make memories, and not take the little things in life for granted. The unknown also allows us to grow, find our inner strength, develop patience, feel true happiness and sorrow, and become more than we could have become under normal circumstances.
Eight years later, this is what I feel I have experienced and learned:
*Caitlin has bravely faced diagnosis, surgeries, a relapse, treatment, therapy, countless MRI's, and a variety of other procedures
*Caitlin is a survivor- her redheaded spunk and stubbornness saved her life
*Clint and I have had to make decisions we felt we were not qualified to make
*Our family can speak and understand cancer terminology and Oligodendroglioma practically rolls off our tongues now
*Clint and I have learned to flush ports and administer chemo
*We have learned to accept acts of service (well, kind of)
*We have learned that working with insurance companies is not fun or easy and that cancer is expensive
*We have an increased gratitude for Forever Families and the healing powers of the Priesthood
*We have had several opportunities to share our story and hopefully have increased awareness of childhood cancer
* We have learned that most situations allow you one of two options- laugh or cry
*We have looked for and have been given opportunities to *pay it forward* through service projects benefiting PCMC's oncology department
*We have made the best friends we could ever hope to have
*Caitlin has had a Make a Wish
* We have celebrated and grieved with friends fighting cancer
*Our family has traveled to Camp Sunshine in Maine for the past seven years, appreciating the new friends and support offered there
*We have lost young friends to this disease along the way
*We have felt the love and support of our community through several special organizations
*We have learned that time is the best healer, and to keep some memories close to our hearts and let others go
*We have come to appreciate, love, and respect Caitlin's medical team
*Children are strong, resilient, and brave
*Prayer works and miracles do exist
*Normal is overrated
*We never could have survived this journey without our Heavenly Father, our family, our friends, and Caitlin's doctors
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Fifteen
Fifteen... is how old Caleb is today. It is also the number of years I have been a mother. Fifteen seems like a really big number tonight, but it has gone by way too quickly.
At 15, Caleb is pretty amazing. He is making good choices and good friends. He is learning the gospel and visits the temple at least once a month. He works hard in school, is on the high honor roll, and has big plans for his future. He is kind, patient, funny, and everything I could hope for in a son.
Fifteen is going to be a big year. Caleb will start driving, complete his project and become an Eagle Scout, he will participate in the National Scout Jamboree and travel to and around the East Coast for three weeks, and he will go to High School. It's enough to make his parents feel really old, but also very proud.
Happy Birthday, Caleb. We love you!
At 15, Caleb is pretty amazing. He is making good choices and good friends. He is learning the gospel and visits the temple at least once a month. He works hard in school, is on the high honor roll, and has big plans for his future. He is kind, patient, funny, and everything I could hope for in a son.
Fifteen is going to be a big year. Caleb will start driving, complete his project and become an Eagle Scout, he will participate in the National Scout Jamboree and travel to and around the East Coast for three weeks, and he will go to High School. It's enough to make his parents feel really old, but also very proud.
Happy Birthday, Caleb. We love you!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
What’s Been Keeping Us Up at Nights
Our family has been busy this month…
We took the kids to the Festival of Trees
To Temple Square
A Voice Male Concert
Jon Schmidt’s Concert
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXtVBJDPs6k&feature=player_embedded
The Symphony
And then we cancelled the rest of our plans because we’re exhausted! Maybe we’ll venture out again after Christmas.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Out With the Old, In With the New
Maybe I should have waited until after Christmas, but today I decided to clean and purge the kids bedrooms, closets, and toy closet. I do this fairly often, but am especially thorough before school starts in the Fall and at Christmas.
I have to believe the Lord has a great sense of humor, He sent me a certain female child so unlike myself in just about every way possible, but most definitely in the "have to have things clean and organized" way.
Good thing the garbage man comes tomorrow... I think I'm more excited about his visit than Santa's at this point!
I have to believe the Lord has a great sense of humor, He sent me a certain female child so unlike myself in just about every way possible, but most definitely in the "have to have things clean and organized" way.
Good thing the garbage man comes tomorrow... I think I'm more excited about his visit than Santa's at this point!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Just a Question
If you are too tired to finish your last minute Christmas shopping and decide to go get a pedicure instead, can it be counted as decorating?
I chose red with white/silver snowflakes. Merry Christmas to me, hee hee!
I chose red with white/silver snowflakes. Merry Christmas to me, hee hee!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
A Special Tradition
For the past seven years, our family has attended the LDS church services on the Sunday before Christmas, in the hospital were Caitlin has received treatment. It is a simple, short, humble, and sweet version of our normal Sacrament Meeting and the Spirit is obvious and strong. Today we sang Christmas hymns and listened to passages of scripture about the birth of our Savior, it was perfect.
I loved the closing prayer where a special blessing was asked for the patients, families, doctors, and caregivers. I would like to imagine a prayer like this being offered almost eight years ago when Caitlin was diagnosed at Christmas.
Vicky and Lauren, we are so happy you could join us. Terry Family, we are praying for you and are so sorry for your loss.
I loved the closing prayer where a special blessing was asked for the patients, families, doctors, and caregivers. I would like to imagine a prayer like this being offered almost eight years ago when Caitlin was diagnosed at Christmas.
Vicky and Lauren, we are so happy you could join us. Terry Family, we are praying for you and are so sorry for your loss.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
The Most Anticipated Party of the Season
Due to a very special man following through with a dream to make life happier for children with cancer, our family has experienced true kindness from our community and made wonderful memories for the past seven years.
It is a true blessing to be in the company of our cancer friends for two nights in a row each December. Watch volunteers from our community play with and entertain the kids, and most of all, feel the spirit of love , generosity, and service.
Here is the link to the CCCF Party as seen on KSL news:
"BYU basketball hosts 11th annual Christmas cancer party"
Saturday, December 12, 2009
It's Beginning to Look (more or less) Like Christmas
Our family lives in a community full of cute and colorful houses. Ours is beige, inside and out (sigh...) If it were up to me, our house would be red, or light green, or a cool shade of blue, maybe yellow, I'm really not sure. What I do know is that our house looks best when decorated for Christmas, it's like adding jewelry to a T-shirt and jeans outfit. It makes my little beige house look happier and helps give it some personality. So, we added the lights (they went up in October before the weather turned bad). The fresh evergreen garland and vintage sleds, skis, and ice skates go up after Thanksgiving. And, as I find new things, those are added as the days grow closer to Christmas.
Inside the house, decorating for Christmas really doesn't take that much effort or time because our decorations are few, but meaningful. In our early married years I collected Eddie Walker Nativities, Santa's, and ornaments- I love them. It's a good thing we got them when we did because she is no longer making them (sad).
Another thing I love is our Christmas art. Caitlin sketched "The Grinch" in her Fourth grade art class and did such a great job. This year she is giving copies as gifts to some lucky people who have blessed her life.
The Santa sketch is my uncle Rob's work from several years ago. When I saw the original, I really wanted it. He found a printing company that could make copies without losing the amazing detail and shading and now I have my very own.
Some of the other things that we get excited about bringing out this time of year are our many Christmas books, music, photos, and toys. There is something special about decorating for Christmas and displaying collections that have meaning and memories.
Inside the house, decorating for Christmas really doesn't take that much effort or time because our decorations are few, but meaningful. In our early married years I collected Eddie Walker Nativities, Santa's, and ornaments- I love them. It's a good thing we got them when we did because she is no longer making them (sad).
Another thing I love is our Christmas art. Caitlin sketched "The Grinch" in her Fourth grade art class and did such a great job. This year she is giving copies as gifts to some lucky people who have blessed her life.
The Santa sketch is my uncle Rob's work from several years ago. When I saw the original, I really wanted it. He found a printing company that could make copies without losing the amazing detail and shading and now I have my very own.
Some of the other things that we get excited about bringing out this time of year are our many Christmas books, music, photos, and toys. There is something special about decorating for Christmas and displaying collections that have meaning and memories.
Friday, December 11, 2009
The Best of 2009
This year we are sending Christmas cards, but no letter. I love to get them, but hate to write them. It has been a great year in many respects though and I wanted to quickly write down the highlights.
January- Caleb was ordained a Teacher in our church and got his braces off. Caitlin won first place (4th Grade) in the science fair at her school. Our family attended the open house for the Draper Temple
February- Caitlin participated in the play, Aristocats. Clint and Jamie (and Caitlin) participated in Financial Peace University
March- Caitlin had a MRI.
April- Clint and Jamie went to Wicked and graduated from FPU. Caitlin, Jamie, Grandma, and Aunt Toni went to Wicked. Our family had a backstage tour and met several actors from Wicked. Our family traveled to San Diego for Easter.
May- Clint, Jamie, and Caleb participated in the Oquirrh Mountain Temple Open House. Caleb participated in the Youth Celebration for the temple. Clint and Jamie traveled to New York with friends.
June- Jamie celebrated a birthday. Clint and Jamie celebrated 18 years of marriage
July- Clint celebrated his 40th birthday! Our new niece and cousin, Halle May was born.
August- Back to School, Caitlin is in Fifth Grade, Caleb is in Ninth. Our family went to the Dedication of the Oquirrh Mountian Temple. We met President Thomas S. Monson and Dieter F. Uchtdorf. After working hard for a year, Caleb finished earning $2500 so that he can attend the National Scout Jamboree in 2010.
September- Caitlin celebrated her 11th birthday at the zoo with many friends. Our family participated in our first 5K for Hopekids. We celebrated Caitlin's 6 years off treatment anniversary.
October- Our family traveled to Maine for Camp Sunshine. Caitlin and Jamie traveled to Denver to see Wicked with friends (we have a bit of an obsession!). Caitlin had her second MRI of the year and again, it looked good.
November- Had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Jamie survived an extensive training for her job.
December- Looking forward to Christmas and spending the month enjoying the blessings of the season. Caleb is excited to turn 15 this month and can't wait for Driver's Ed.
January- Caleb was ordained a Teacher in our church and got his braces off. Caitlin won first place (4th Grade) in the science fair at her school. Our family attended the open house for the Draper Temple
February- Caitlin participated in the play, Aristocats. Clint and Jamie (and Caitlin) participated in Financial Peace University
March- Caitlin had a MRI.
April- Clint and Jamie went to Wicked and graduated from FPU. Caitlin, Jamie, Grandma, and Aunt Toni went to Wicked. Our family had a backstage tour and met several actors from Wicked. Our family traveled to San Diego for Easter.
May- Clint, Jamie, and Caleb participated in the Oquirrh Mountain Temple Open House. Caleb participated in the Youth Celebration for the temple. Clint and Jamie traveled to New York with friends.
June- Jamie celebrated a birthday. Clint and Jamie celebrated 18 years of marriage
July- Clint celebrated his 40th birthday! Our new niece and cousin, Halle May was born.
August- Back to School, Caitlin is in Fifth Grade, Caleb is in Ninth. Our family went to the Dedication of the Oquirrh Mountian Temple. We met President Thomas S. Monson and Dieter F. Uchtdorf. After working hard for a year, Caleb finished earning $2500 so that he can attend the National Scout Jamboree in 2010.
September- Caitlin celebrated her 11th birthday at the zoo with many friends. Our family participated in our first 5K for Hopekids. We celebrated Caitlin's 6 years off treatment anniversary.
October- Our family traveled to Maine for Camp Sunshine. Caitlin and Jamie traveled to Denver to see Wicked with friends (we have a bit of an obsession!). Caitlin had her second MRI of the year and again, it looked good.
November- Had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Jamie survived an extensive training for her job.
December- Looking forward to Christmas and spending the month enjoying the blessings of the season. Caleb is excited to turn 15 this month and can't wait for Driver's Ed.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Ouch
Yesterday started out like this
It ended up like this
Caitlin started her orthodontic treatment yesterday with an appliance (torture device) called a MARA. It’s going to be a long couple of days until she gets used to it.
Now we are off to the pediatrician for immunizations and more fun.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
The Spirit of Christmas
"The Christmases we remember best usually have little to do with worldly goods but a lot to do with the spirit of caring, the spirit of love, and the spirit of compassion."
-President Thomas S. Monson
Caleb (almost 8) and Caitlin (4 years old and on chemotherapy)I was reading the Ensign the other day and came across this quote. It made me think of the year I experienced the true meaning of Christmas.
Caitlin was diagnosed with a brain tumor on December 28, 2001 and then relapsed 10 months later, in early November 2002. The relapse was even harder than the initial diagnosis due to knowing more about Caitlin's type of cancer and how a relapse lessened her chances of survival. As the holidays approached I felt hopeless and scared. We were up to our eyeballs in chemotherapy and I just didn't care about gifts, decorations, or anything else that required effort or cheerfulness. I wanted a miracle for my daughter and our family.
The miracle didn't come in the form of healing, but in the form of caring, love, and compassion- those very things President Monson mentioned. These sweet acts of service and love came from my husband and children, from my extended family, from our neighbors, friends, and church members, from our medical team, and from our community. I realized in our trial we were given the best gifts of the season.
This Christmas we are aware of several close friends who are hurting and struggling with trials far larger than what our family has experienced. It is my hope that I can find many opportunities to serve, show love, and lighten a burden, making this another Christmas to remember.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
The Most Inspired Christmas Gift
A little over five years ago something rather strange happened. Out of the blue, I had a strong feeling we should get a dog. I played with the idea in my head for awhile before mentioning it to Clint, because out of the two of us, I am definitely the picky one. Once we had talked about it and he seemed to be open to the idea, I started looking at online classifieds for our new family member. Another strange thing is that I knew what kind of dog we should get, a Shih Tzu, even though I didn't know a thing about this breed of dog, or any other for that matter.
A few weeks into the search, we went to my parents house for Thanksgiving as we usually do. Shortly after arriving, my mom mentioned to me that she and my sister had visited a pet store earlier in the week and there were the cutest puppies for sale. I instantly knew our dog was sitting in that pet store, waiting for us.
The day after Thanksgiving, we left Caleb and Caitlin with my dad and the rest of us went in search of "our dog". We found her in a big cardboard box with a whole litter of Chiwawa's, not very nice Chiwawa's I might add. She was a fluffy black and white ball of pure cuteness and I fell in love with her on sight.
My parents bought her for us as a family Christmas gift and to this day, she is the best gift we've ever received.
Daisy came into our lives after being abused by her former owners. She was filled with love and sweetness, but had some fears and insecurities that resulted in some odd behaviors. Our family came into Daisy's life with some fears and insecurities of our own. We were putting our lives back together after a battle with cancer. I believe we were meant to heal and love each other. She was a gift to us, we were a gift to her. We love our Daisy.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Thanksgiving 2009
1. My mom is a wonderful cook and our dinner was yumm-o!
2. Caitlin was the perfect little helper with her cousins.
3. We were all together as a family.
4. I don't recommend playing cards with my brother, Mike.
5. Clint and I were in Walmart at 3:30 am for the Black Friday sale, we got what we went for (and more) and will most likely never repeat shopping like that again.
6. With my mom's help, I figured out a cute ornament for my girls in Activity Days to make this week.
7. Loved holding and loving on my nieces and nephew.
8. Had a nice visit and another yummy meal with my Grandma and Aunt Jerrie
9. Got more shopping done. Found Clint some new clothes and myself another pair of red shoes (I know I shouldn't be shopping for myself!).
10. Watched the movie- The Blind Side. I highly recommend it, very inspiring.
11. Clint cut lots of branches from Cedar and Juniper trees for me to use to decorate our porch.
12. After spending the long weekend with my family, I still don't know what to get any of them for Christmas.
13. The traffic on the way home wasn't too bad and our hamster was still alive.
14. Still have the fun of December to look forward to...
2. Caitlin was the perfect little helper with her cousins.
3. We were all together as a family.
4. I don't recommend playing cards with my brother, Mike.
5. Clint and I were in Walmart at 3:30 am for the Black Friday sale, we got what we went for (and more) and will most likely never repeat shopping like that again.
6. With my mom's help, I figured out a cute ornament for my girls in Activity Days to make this week.
7. Loved holding and loving on my nieces and nephew.
8. Had a nice visit and another yummy meal with my Grandma and Aunt Jerrie
9. Got more shopping done. Found Clint some new clothes and myself another pair of red shoes (I know I shouldn't be shopping for myself!).
10. Watched the movie- The Blind Side. I highly recommend it, very inspiring.
11. Clint cut lots of branches from Cedar and Juniper trees for me to use to decorate our porch.
12. After spending the long weekend with my family, I still don't know what to get any of them for Christmas.
13. The traffic on the way home wasn't too bad and our hamster was still alive.
14. Still have the fun of December to look forward to...
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Thankful
My life is so blessed and I have many, many things to be thankful for this year. I have procrastinated writing this post and am now crunched for time (have to hit the road soon) so I will just mention a few...
Clint- my wonderful husband who always puts his family before himself.
Caleb- my cute, smart son who is making good choices through his teen years.
Caitlin- my dramatic, funny daughter who is the light of my life.
Daisy- just because she is my baby.
I am thankful for my friends, who bring so much joy into my life.
I am thankful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and for opportunities and experiences that build my testimony of my Father in Heaven and his son, Jesus Christ.
I am thankful to live in such a wonderful community with good neighbors; for my children's friends and teachers, and for the freedom that comes with living in a blessed country.
I am thankful for good and loving parents and siblings, for my nieces and nephews, and for extended family who care for and support my little family.
And I am thankful for each new day that brings with it the opportunity to become a better person.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Clint- my wonderful husband who always puts his family before himself.
Caleb- my cute, smart son who is making good choices through his teen years.
Caitlin- my dramatic, funny daughter who is the light of my life.
Daisy- just because she is my baby.
I am thankful for my friends, who bring so much joy into my life.
I am thankful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and for opportunities and experiences that build my testimony of my Father in Heaven and his son, Jesus Christ.
I am thankful to live in such a wonderful community with good neighbors; for my children's friends and teachers, and for the freedom that comes with living in a blessed country.
I am thankful for good and loving parents and siblings, for my nieces and nephews, and for extended family who care for and support my little family.
And I am thankful for each new day that brings with it the opportunity to become a better person.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Primary Program
Another reminder we have reached a new chapter- Today was the annual Primary Program in our ward, as I sat there, I realized it would be the last time one of my children would be involved. It feels like just yesterday they were Sunbeams!
Caleb's take on the program- "They (the kids) are definitely choosing volume over quality." LOL
Caleb's take on the program- "They (the kids) are definitely choosing volume over quality." LOL
Saturday, November 21, 2009
New Moon
My Movie Review-
Don't judge me, I loved New Moon and I just might be obsessed with vampires. This movie completely lived up to my expectations and all the hype surrounding it. If given a choice though, I would still choose Edward over Jacob.
Don't judge me, I loved New Moon and I just might be obsessed with vampires. This movie completely lived up to my expectations and all the hype surrounding it. If given a choice though, I would still choose Edward over Jacob.
Friday, November 20, 2009
My Christmas Fear
Christmas is coming and I know what my kids want to see under the tree. I also know it is all on sale at Walmart, the day after Thanksgiving- you know, the Black Friday Sale...
Can I just say I am terrified of those sales?!? I've heard stories of pushing, shoving, being run over by shopping carts, etc... Does that sound like Christmas to you? If you have participated in this madness and more importantly, survived it, will you let me know? Oh, and if a store opens at 5 am, what time do you have to be there?
Can I just say I am terrified of those sales?!? I've heard stories of pushing, shoving, being run over by shopping carts, etc... Does that sound like Christmas to you? If you have participated in this madness and more importantly, survived it, will you let me know? Oh, and if a store opens at 5 am, what time do you have to be there?
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Nice things
... when your husband drives all the way home to fill your car with gas, because he forgot to do it before leaving for work.
... when your husband buys 20 plus cans of pumpkin because he knows you love Weight Watchers pumpkin spice muffins, in fact, he knows they are critical to your survival.
... when you get your hair colored, cut, and eyebrows waxed all in one sitting.
... when your husband buys 20 plus cans of pumpkin because he knows you love Weight Watchers pumpkin spice muffins, in fact, he knows they are critical to your survival.
... when you get your hair colored, cut, and eyebrows waxed all in one sitting.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
My worst Thanksgiving...ever!
Isn't it interesting how certain things can trigger our memories? As Thanksgiving approaches, I am finding myself remembering last year... the worst Thanksgiving ever.
My little family attended a concert on Temple Square on the Saturday evening before Thanksgiving, we were enjoying the music, the spirit of the holidays, and being together as a family (well, Caitlin was kind of being a stinker, but what else is new?). As the concert progressed, Clint started receiving calls from my dad, which went directly to voice mail. Finally, he became concerned and listened to the messages. I will never, ever forget him leaning over to me and saying- You're dad called, it's Brian. He's in the hospital and not expected to make it.
My hands started to shake, my body turned cold and tingly, I was too shocked and scared to cry.
I was able to talk to my dad as we drove home. I found out Brian had pneumonia and being diabetic, he was having all kinds of complications. The doctors had worked on him all day and had finally decided to airlift him to another hospital. Before doing so, they told my dad to gather the family together to say goodbye because there was a very good chance he would not survive the flight. I was too far away and was told to stay home until they had more news. I have never felt so far away from my family.
That was one of the longest nights of my life. I remember laying on my bed, not being able to relax, and wondering if my spirit would know if my brother passed away. Would I feel differently? Would I somehow know before being told? I hurt for my parents, for my siblings, for Brian. And I prayed, and prayed, and prayed.
The next day, I learned Brian had survived the night and was on life support. I packed, not sure if I should bring clothes for a funeral, and I left my little family to fend for themselves.
My experiences with Caitlin's cancer left me somewhat knowledgeable concerning my parents state of mind and needs during this time. But still, I felt so inadequate. There are experiences in life that just can't be fixed with a warm meal, sleep, or the comfort of family and friends. No words can heal your heart and bring peace to your soul. You just hurt and want nothing more than to have your life back as it was before tragedy hit you like a brick.
My sister, Toni and I insisted on my parents leaving the hospital each night and we took on the responsibility of sleeping in the ICU waiting room. She took the couch, I took the recliner. We slept in the half light and I never did get used to codes being called- Code Blue, Code Red, I still don't know what Code Green is? That room became the home of the homeless and I have to admit, I became a little possessive of it- not liking one bit when others thought they could visit and watch TV when it was my bedtime.
The days passed, each becoming more grim as Brian made no progress. The biggest concern was brain damage, we learned that on the flight to the hospital, Brian had lost his breathing tube and had not been given an adequate amount of oxygen, made worse by the pneumonia. We had discussions with the doctor about quality of life, due to the area of expected brain damage being memory, reasoning, thought process. I could stand to visit him when he was totally sedated, but when they would bring him out of the induced coma to see if he would start breathing on his own, I couldn't stand to watch him struggle. My mom took my lack of visiting as rejection, but for me, it was just self preservation. I had made my peace with what I felt was coming- I had told the Lord I would accept His will, I had said goodbye to my brother, communicating with him that I would understand if he chose to leave us. I promised him I would love his son and make every effort to make him a part of our family. I told him I loved him more than he would ever know, that I was proud to be his sister.
Clint and the kids came- Thanksgiving was here. It was a sad day. We were all tired, worn out, getting a little snarky. We went to the cafeteria to eat lunch- we were too late, lunch was over. We went back to ICU, ate junk food, the kids were bored, adults were out of patience. We went back to the cafeteria for dinner, ate pressed turkey, tried to make the best of it, kept telling each other it would be better next year, silently wondering if Brian would be with us then.
The day came to a close. My dad and Clint decided to give Brian another blessing before leaving for the night. I chose to stay with the kids in the waiting room while everyone else went in to participate in the blessing and say goodnight. I had my own prayer with my kids. Toni and I made our beds and another large, loud family came in, so sleep was out of the question. We talked and gossiped about the other family there, we weren't very nice. Late into the night, a nurse came out and walked straight towards us, she told us Brian was making *meaningful* gestures and trying to communicate- he was awake. I decided to call my parents and this is another conversation I will never forget- it took several rings for my dad to pick up, and what felt like several more minutes for him to answer, I imagine he was prepping himself for the worst news. The relief and joy in his voice comforted me to no end. I had finally been able to deliver an answer, an ounce of hope to my parents on behalf of my brother. The Lord had answered our prayers, He gave Brian another chance at life, He blessed us all that Thanksgiving Day.
I love my family so much. Each member holds a special place in my heart that only they can fill. I appreciate their strengths, talents, individuality. I am thankful this season for each one of them and for the blessings extended to us by a loving Heavenly Father. It is through His plan that we are divided into family units, to love, care for, and support one another, and to be together for eternity.
Now... bring on a real turkey, we deserve it after last year!
My little family attended a concert on Temple Square on the Saturday evening before Thanksgiving, we were enjoying the music, the spirit of the holidays, and being together as a family (well, Caitlin was kind of being a stinker, but what else is new?). As the concert progressed, Clint started receiving calls from my dad, which went directly to voice mail. Finally, he became concerned and listened to the messages. I will never, ever forget him leaning over to me and saying- You're dad called, it's Brian. He's in the hospital and not expected to make it.
My hands started to shake, my body turned cold and tingly, I was too shocked and scared to cry.
I was able to talk to my dad as we drove home. I found out Brian had pneumonia and being diabetic, he was having all kinds of complications. The doctors had worked on him all day and had finally decided to airlift him to another hospital. Before doing so, they told my dad to gather the family together to say goodbye because there was a very good chance he would not survive the flight. I was too far away and was told to stay home until they had more news. I have never felt so far away from my family.
That was one of the longest nights of my life. I remember laying on my bed, not being able to relax, and wondering if my spirit would know if my brother passed away. Would I feel differently? Would I somehow know before being told? I hurt for my parents, for my siblings, for Brian. And I prayed, and prayed, and prayed.
The next day, I learned Brian had survived the night and was on life support. I packed, not sure if I should bring clothes for a funeral, and I left my little family to fend for themselves.
My experiences with Caitlin's cancer left me somewhat knowledgeable concerning my parents state of mind and needs during this time. But still, I felt so inadequate. There are experiences in life that just can't be fixed with a warm meal, sleep, or the comfort of family and friends. No words can heal your heart and bring peace to your soul. You just hurt and want nothing more than to have your life back as it was before tragedy hit you like a brick.
My sister, Toni and I insisted on my parents leaving the hospital each night and we took on the responsibility of sleeping in the ICU waiting room. She took the couch, I took the recliner. We slept in the half light and I never did get used to codes being called- Code Blue, Code Red, I still don't know what Code Green is? That room became the home of the homeless and I have to admit, I became a little possessive of it- not liking one bit when others thought they could visit and watch TV when it was my bedtime.
The days passed, each becoming more grim as Brian made no progress. The biggest concern was brain damage, we learned that on the flight to the hospital, Brian had lost his breathing tube and had not been given an adequate amount of oxygen, made worse by the pneumonia. We had discussions with the doctor about quality of life, due to the area of expected brain damage being memory, reasoning, thought process. I could stand to visit him when he was totally sedated, but when they would bring him out of the induced coma to see if he would start breathing on his own, I couldn't stand to watch him struggle. My mom took my lack of visiting as rejection, but for me, it was just self preservation. I had made my peace with what I felt was coming- I had told the Lord I would accept His will, I had said goodbye to my brother, communicating with him that I would understand if he chose to leave us. I promised him I would love his son and make every effort to make him a part of our family. I told him I loved him more than he would ever know, that I was proud to be his sister.
Clint and the kids came- Thanksgiving was here. It was a sad day. We were all tired, worn out, getting a little snarky. We went to the cafeteria to eat lunch- we were too late, lunch was over. We went back to ICU, ate junk food, the kids were bored, adults were out of patience. We went back to the cafeteria for dinner, ate pressed turkey, tried to make the best of it, kept telling each other it would be better next year, silently wondering if Brian would be with us then.
The day came to a close. My dad and Clint decided to give Brian another blessing before leaving for the night. I chose to stay with the kids in the waiting room while everyone else went in to participate in the blessing and say goodnight. I had my own prayer with my kids. Toni and I made our beds and another large, loud family came in, so sleep was out of the question. We talked and gossiped about the other family there, we weren't very nice. Late into the night, a nurse came out and walked straight towards us, she told us Brian was making *meaningful* gestures and trying to communicate- he was awake. I decided to call my parents and this is another conversation I will never forget- it took several rings for my dad to pick up, and what felt like several more minutes for him to answer, I imagine he was prepping himself for the worst news. The relief and joy in his voice comforted me to no end. I had finally been able to deliver an answer, an ounce of hope to my parents on behalf of my brother. The Lord had answered our prayers, He gave Brian another chance at life, He blessed us all that Thanksgiving Day.
I love my family so much. Each member holds a special place in my heart that only they can fill. I appreciate their strengths, talents, individuality. I am thankful this season for each one of them and for the blessings extended to us by a loving Heavenly Father. It is through His plan that we are divided into family units, to love, care for, and support one another, and to be together for eternity.
Now... bring on a real turkey, we deserve it after last year!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Friendship + Red Shoes= Happy Me
Many have asked if I got my red shoes. I did, thank you. I didn't even have to drive hours to get them. I had a friend who came through for me. She drove to the store, she paid for my shoes, and she brought them to me, in the snow. Yes, I paid her back and promised future favors and errands I would run on her behalf, but still, I owe her huge.
This experience and many others like it have made me once again realize and appreciate the fact that I have been so blessed in my life with the choicest of friends. I think I have a gift for finding women who are smart, talented, caring, spiritual, supportive, generous, funny- I could go on and on, to be my friends. Our Heavenly Father blesses us in individual ways with those things we need to survive our Earthly existence. I am so grateful He knows how much I need each of you.
And, I am grateful for cute shoes too.
This experience and many others like it have made me once again realize and appreciate the fact that I have been so blessed in my life with the choicest of friends. I think I have a gift for finding women who are smart, talented, caring, spiritual, supportive, generous, funny- I could go on and on, to be my friends. Our Heavenly Father blesses us in individual ways with those things we need to survive our Earthly existence. I am so grateful He knows how much I need each of you.
And, I am grateful for cute shoes too.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The Art of Brick
We risked our lives yesterday traveling up the mountain, in a scary snowstorm, for an art exhibit my friend had told me about- The Art of Brick. We had to go, snow or not, because it ends this weekend. After carefully traveling up the steep and icy roads, we first had lunch at the yummiest pizza place, The Red Banjo (another friends suggestion), the garlic cheese bread was to die for. After stuffing ourselves with Italian goodness, we made it to the museum, full of sculptures and art, all made from Lego's. It was amazing to see what can be created with these plastic blocks and now Caitlin has added a giant bucket of Lego's to her Christmas list...
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Our second mission was to go shopping for Clint and Caleb, since both are lacking in cold weather clothing. We found some huge sales at Old Navy and Gap and even had additional 30% off coupons for both stores. Funny thing how Caitlin came home with more than the rest of us combined, it's hard to resist when everything looks cute on her.
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