Eight

On this day eight years ago, Caitlin was diagnosed with a brain tumor- it was the worst day of our lives. I remember wishing for a crystal ball that would allow me to see our families future. I wanted to know that Caitlin would survive and that someday we would have a normal life again, normal in the way Clint and I had planned it to be. I wanted control, I wanted answers, and I wanted someone to tell me how to do this.

There are still some things I wish I could fix, that I fight for control over, and questions that I want answered. But for the most part, I feel that the unknown in this trial was and is a blessing. The unknown gives us the opportunity to learn lessons, rely on our Heavenly Father and others, make memories, and not take the little things in life for granted. The unknown also allows us to grow, find our inner strength, develop patience, feel true happiness and sorrow, and become more than we could have become under normal circumstances.


Eight years later, this is what I feel I have experienced and learned:

*Caitlin has bravely faced diagnosis, surgeries, a relapse, treatment, therapy, countless MRI's, and a variety of other procedures

*Caitlin is a survivor- her redheaded spunk and stubbornness saved her life

*Clint and I have had to make decisions we felt we were not qualified to make

*Our family can speak and understand cancer terminology and Oligodendroglioma practically rolls off our tongues now

*Clint and I have learned to flush ports and administer chemo

*We have learned to accept acts of service (well, kind of)

*We have learned that working with insurance companies is not fun or easy and that cancer is expensive

*We have an increased gratitude for Forever Families and the healing powers of the Priesthood

*We have had several opportunities to share our story and hopefully have increased awareness of childhood cancer

* We have learned that most situations allow you one of two options- laugh or cry

*We have looked for and have been given opportunities to *pay it forward* through service projects benefiting PCMC's oncology department

*We have made the best friends we could ever hope to have

*Caitlin has had a Make a Wish

* We have celebrated and grieved with friends fighting cancer

*Our family has traveled to Camp Sunshine in Maine for the past seven years, appreciating the new friends and support offered there

*We have lost young friends to this disease along the way

*We have felt the love and support of our community through several special organizations

*We have learned that time is the best healer, and to keep some memories close to our hearts and let others go

*We have come to appreciate, love, and respect Caitlin's medical team

*Children are strong, resilient, and brave

*Prayer works and miracles do exist

*Normal is overrated

*We never could have survived this journey without our Heavenly Father, our family, our friends, and Caitlin's doctors

The Spirit of Christmas

"The Christmases we remember best usually have little to do with worldly goods but a lot to do with the spirit of caring, the spirit of love, and the spirit of compassion."

-President Thomas S. Monson

Caleb (almost 8) and Caitlin (4 years old and on chemotherapy)

I was reading the Ensign the other day and came across this quote. It made me think of the year I experienced the true meaning of Christmas.

Caitlin was diagnosed with a brain tumor on December 28, 2001 and then relapsed 10 months later, in early November 2002. The relapse was even harder than the initial diagnosis due to knowing more about Caitlin's type of cancer and how a relapse lessened her chances of survival. As the holidays approached I felt hopeless and scared. We were up to our eyeballs in chemotherapy and I just didn't care about gifts, decorations, or anything else that required effort or cheerfulness. I wanted a miracle for my daughter and our family.

The miracle didn't come in the form of healing, but in the form of caring, love, and compassion- those very things President Monson mentioned. These sweet acts of service and love came from my husband and children, from my extended family, from our neighbors, friends, and church members, from our medical team, and from our community. I realized in our trial we were given the best gifts of the season.

This Christmas we are aware of several close friends who are hurting and struggling with trials far larger than what our family has experienced. It is my hope that I can find many opportunities to serve, show love, and lighten a burden, making this another Christmas to remember.